Father’s day is not just for fathers (Sirshree on parenting)

Q. What is the significance of Fathers’ day? Is it a day only for all fathers?
Sirshree: There are two main significances – one for you and one for your child. One whether you are a parent or not, and the other for parents. One from a spiritual perspective and other from a parental perspective. Understand the first one. For your spiritual growth, it is important that you give yourself the tough love of a father, the unconditional love of a mother and the wisdom-love of a guru. For you to grow spiritually, giving yourself the tough love of a father means making your body disciplined. Giving yourself the unconditional love of a mother means making your mind surrendered in devotion. Giving yourself the wisdom of a master gives discrimination to your intellect. Thus celebrate fathers’ day, whether you are a father or not, as a day that signifies training and discipline. Use this day to contemplate whether you are giving your body the tough love of a discipline it requires.

The second significance is for all parents – not just fathers. A father gives a child the hardware (hard training), a mother gives the child software (soft love) and the guru gives a child heartware (shifting from head to heart). On fathers’ day, every father and mother could contemplate on whether they are making their child disciplined. And mothers’ day can be used as an opportunity to contemplate on the love you are giving to your children. All these days are just opportunities. You may not be able to contemplate on everything together, so these days are opportunities to focus on specific qualities. Both father and mother have ‘ther’ in common. Both tough love and soft love is required to tether children with wisdom to take them further.

The word father is also a good reminder of what every parent should give to their children. Examine these qualities on this fathers’ day.

F : Forgiving and giving (soft love)

A: Accountability and discipline (tough love)

T: Time (quality time)

H: Health (needs of the body)

E: Education (education of self development)

R: Realization (insight of spiritual growth)

Q.Who is an ideal father? How to be an ideal father?
Sirshree: An ideal father is one who becomes the right ideal for his children. The mother is the first teacher. The father is the first ideal. When kids are asked who their super hero is, it seems most children answer it is their dad. We have seen that fatherhood signifies the tough love of discipline and training. So, be an ideal of discipline yourself. Let your child see that you accomplish boring things first and then take up interesting things. Your child too will then become similarly disciplined. The more you progress towards Self Stabilization (permanently stabilizing on the experience of Self), the more you become the best ideal for your children.

Q. How should I make my child spiritual. How to spiritually instruct children?
Sirshree: Don’t teach spirituality to your children – show spirituality to them. The best thing you can give to your children is the gift of happiness and peace. Let your children see how you take decisions with inner peace and how you act with inner poise. This will be transferred to them. Giving children spiritual instruction at an young age may confuse them.

If you want to instruct children, do instruct them on self development. Teach them concentration, will power, focus, communication, etc. Talk to them about strength, stamina and taking initiative. Verbalize skills for your children, but let them internalize spiritual wisdom by observing you.