Marriage and Spirituality

This post is also available in: Polish

Seeker: In society, we live and deal with many relations. Sometimes we feel relationships are for our good, but why do we get entangled in difficult relationships? Sometimes we just drag the relationship with our partners.

Sirshree: Have you ever thought over the meaning and nature of a relationship? How many of us have ever explored multiple dimensions of a relationship, or as you said, why are we often compelled to relate the way we relate? Let us explore the answers to some of these questions and understand how we can move our relationship to a higher level.

There are seven levels of a relationship. Let us understand the seven levels through the example of a relationship between a husband and a wife.
Let us understand the seven levels through the example of a relationship between a husband and a wife.

On the first level there are only petty quarrels happening between the husband and wife, leading to big fights. Both feel that “to get married means to fight” and try to win and have the last word.

On the second level, the couple becomes aware of the fights and know the reasons. Now things become a bit clearer and the relationship begins to clear up.

On the third level, the husband and wife begin to understand not only the cause of their fights, but also begin to solve problems jointly. Both start seeing things from the partner’s point of view. Now they identify the reason for their disagreements and try to pre-empt it by amending their own behaviour. This realization and willingness to be more adjusting and understanding takes them to the next level.

At this fourth level, they begin to dig deep and see the real reason for their conflicts, not just the superficial reasons. They realize that on the surface they may seem to be arguing about the same issue (time, money responsibility and so forth), but secretly they may be arguing about some other hidden issues. There is an evident reason and a hidden reason for their differences. On the fourth level, they go deeper and encounter themselves and their hidden motives. And then true transformation occurs and they think honestly. They become aware of why they do what they do. And now they start understanding their patterns which were subconsciously developed while watching their parents since childhood. After getting the insights, they want to get out of the tendencies and patterns of their parents by probing deeper and with high understanding.

At the fifth level, they get the perspective that the fights are not of their parents, but of their values and beliefs. These values and beliefs and way of living got into them by observing their parents and society. After confronting the real reason and the operating beliefs, they find the right remedy for it. The couple now enjoys the power of relationship by functioning from the same level of consciousness, from the same platform. They now live and operate from serenity, freedom, love and happiness. This is freedom from within, real independence.

At the sixth level, disputes end. What remains is not love, but Bright love. Transactional love ends, reason seeking love ends. This is the beginning of unconditional love. At this level, the relation is not dependent on give and take. Love is full and complete and the couple enjoys freedom and bliss. The focus is only on giving unconditionally.

On the seventh level, there is full expression of the unconditional love. Where Bright love reaches its destination. The highest form of unconditional love now manifests; it becomes devotion. This type of rare devotional love exists between a devotee and the Lord, as in Meera Bai, or between a disciple and his Guru.

Seeker: How to move to higher levels?

Sirshree: To move to higher levels, simply do two things. Contemplate and Communicate. Contemplate on questions such as: From which level are you operating? What are you creating everyday in your life? What are you creating in the now, around you, in the space of a relationship? Contemplate and elevate your level of relationship.

Having contemplated, now simply keep communicating and giving feedback to each other.